Stories, Writing

Overkilled

Nandika Bansal

*Ding Dong*

“New arrival. Please proceed to the nearest entrance on your left.”

He opened his eyes and followed the instructions. The entrance led to a crowd of grey haired fellows carrying around baskets as swiftly as teens. An old woman in a baseball hat and an intimidating shade of lipstick approached him.

“Newbie, here’s the trivia. I’ll make it short and crisp. There are a hundred pending new arrivals to see. You’re a ghost. They are all ghosts. Here are your tasks. “

“So this is the afterlife?”

“Correction. The beforelife.”

“Why before?”

“This is the place you stay till you’re reborn.”

He looked at the task list.

*Attend the post-suicide therapy session
*Water the dead plants
*Learn the ghost behavior protocol
*Write down a hundred sins in your previous life

We wish you a comfortable stay at the beforelife! Hope you make the best use of your precious 100 trillion year stay in the waiting room till we find you a vacancy-

“WHAT! How long am I stuck here?

“It says 100 trillion years right there But don’t worry. The population is on a surge and so is the death rate. My calculations tell me you’ll get an exempt. The demand for new lives is gonna hike soon.”

“How soon will that be?”

“2 or 3 years at the maximum-“

“Oh thank my stars!”

“2 or 3 years at the maximum is the time they will cut short from the waiting list. That means you still have nine hundred ninety-nine billion nine hundred ninety-nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred ninety-seven years left.

You’re a lucky boy!”

“You listen now lady, I am not gonna stay here whether you like it or not. I expected it to all end. All the suffering. This place is worse.”

“Hey pretty boy, since when did you think ‘go to hell’ was a compliment?”

“Alright, but if this ridiculous physical toil and forced introspection starts taking a toll on me and I happen to die, then I will kill you.”

“I am reporting you for misbehavior. You are so dead.”

“Man, this is overkill.”

***

People complain but I still love puns…

and dark humour. Should I let it loose sometimes or keep it to myself?

Published by Nandika Bansal

33 thoughts on “Overkilled”

  8. Whoever fed you the idea that dark humour is something bad should be left in the middle of a hungry wolf pack on the wintry wastes of Siberia.

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    1. ๐Ÿ˜Š Yes it is always fun! I have wondered many times why we find it so appealing. I have seen nicer people come up with the funniest dark humour ๐Ÿ˜Š There has to be a balance. If I am nice in reality, I gotta be bad in the imagination. That relieves my stress. ๐Ÿ˜Š I don’t think we are all messed up though ๐Ÿ˜…

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  13. You killed it! ๐Ÿ˜„ This was such unique out of the box imagination of hell, especially the tasklist of hell part โ€“ complete viral YouTube short film material.

    Now I understand that chat message on monogamy. It would be difficult finding a gem to match you brilliance and versatility!

    You should absolutely let loose with such stuff. But always remember, right now everything else revolves around your academics. All the best Nandika! ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. Thank you so much sir for finding the time to visit my blog!!! I am really touched to know that you enjoyed reading it. I miss your classes already ๐Ÿ˜Š
      You are right sir! Writing is just a way for me to refresh myself to increase my productivity ๐Ÿ˜Š
      You have hell of a taste and are really trendy ๐Ÿ™‚ I dont know many people who appreciate the same genre as I do ๐Ÿ˜Š

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